God has a Plan, a Plan He does have!

 

Hello!  Today I wanted to share what is on my heart. Almost 18 years ago I felt as if my whole world had fallen apart.  It did as far as I was concerned!  I'll save all the details, that becoming a Pearson has brought out in me and give the short story.  I felt unwanted, unworthy, and to costly.  Satan has used/uses that over and over to wound me.  Those are LIES that I believed and still honestly struggle with.

Only about 6 weeks after my world cratered, My Knight in Shining Armor entered into my life as a boyfriend of a old friend. At that point, I had no idea that God would use him & he would be my knight!  They broke up 2 months before I started dating him!!! I'm not *that* girl! So, we started dating and it was Love!  His name had 4 syllables Grrr-aaaaaa-nnnn-ttt, Papaw Jim still gives me a hard time about calling him that!  After, only 8 months of dating my family and I moved from Gtown to Andrews!  I wasn't at all happy, I tried to eat my self to happiness and gained 30 lbs from January '97 to May '97. But, God had a plan!!!

This knight went to trade school to be a welder, why his parents allowed that I do not know! But God did! Mr. welder found a great paying job in Andrews area and moved 2 months after I had moved.  He followed me! We became engaged and got married. I was 19 when we said our I do's!  I was determined to get my Teaching Certificate before I had children, God went along with me on that one!

So, I accomplished my goals of college, teaching degree and now it was time for children! We consulted with God, Dr. and each other and then worked on it! About 10 months later my beautiful red headed baby girl was born! What a miracle children really are. I often still question why God would allow me to raise these blessings. When she was 22 months old our beautiful miracle # 2 was born.  It was/is incredible how different both babies can be.   Girl vs. boy, re-flux vs. breast milk, & 1 vs. 2,  I felt unworthy & inapt that was for sure.  God had a plan!  I cried everyday I worked and Lola-Bug was in childcare. When I found out I was pregnant with Bubba, I started stashing money so I could stay home! What would I do? God sent a beautiful angel as a friend to me.  Her baby #1, is one day older than Lola-Bug. She encouraged and helped me have faith that God would provide for my family if I stayed home. 

What had I done?  I was alone at home with a new born and a two year old? 25 students was a breeze compared to these little sweeties! How would I survive, how would I ever get anything done? This slowly worked out and I did manage to get dressed most days and venture out in public!  My happy pill prescribed for postpartum was needed, "O" boy was it needed!  I am thankful for Dr.s and medicine.  My angel friend helped me a lot.  Sometimes we would just sit and talk, sometimes we would head to the park.  We shared recipes, meals and most of all our hearts with one another.  We truly understood one another, what a blessing and a plan God had!  I love her so much, tears are flowing from my eyes as I type! 

Taking a glimpse back into God's plan for my life I see that my whole world had to fall apart for me to move to Georgetown.  Once, I was there God placed Grant in my life.  His mom and dad were suppose to allow him to go to welding school so  he could follow me to the oil patch of West Texas. He received a great job as a welder. A comment of  "You'll never finish college, you'll end up pregnant and barefoot" pushed me and pushed me to get my degree! God knew I needed that! God kept Shawndell in Odessa, instead of her getting a position in Midland in '01.  She is such a blessing. God, surprised us with Bubba, he was 3 yrs early, aren't the 1st born usually the surprise?  Bubba being born lead to me staying home.  Staying home lead to my relationship with Jesus growing, strengthening and healing!

My Knight in shining armor is still awesome just encase you were wondering. He has a strong faith and encourages me in mine.  We left West Texas 5 years ago.  I knew God had a plan for us here. It was exciting to start a new adventure. Within the first 6 months I met 3 angel friends who help me through my bouts of depress & anxiety. They are all so different, but I love that about them, they know who they are. God's plan  was better than I could of imagined.  I had to leave 1 amazing friend for 3 amazing friends.

After, our 1st year here my mother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer.  God gave me a verse 

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Matthew 6:25 This verse gave me strength and hope for Nikki's diagnosis.  Today as I type I wonder what plan God has for my life, is there a reason for the hiccups in my life right now? I bet so!!! So as God's word says we should,

"always be giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Ephesians 5:19-21  Thank you God for your Plans!!!

Let me tie this all up, today Grant said something that he had no intentions of it hurting me but it did.  I'm learning from my christian counselor about how my past hurts are still hurting me.  Unknowingly, his words were like a dagger in my wounded heart. I lashed out at him and it was ugly.  I sat down, cried and talked to Jesus.  I was shown that those Lies of being unwanted, unworthy, and to costly  were taunting me.  Grant loves me and wasn't trying to hurt me.  Jesus is healing my heart but it is a slow process.  Yes, Jesus is Healing me!!! Counseling is one of the best things I have ever done for myself, I encourage you to go if you have hurts big or small from your past or present!

 God has a plan, a plan He does have! 

  **Disclaimer, I haven't proofed this so the grammar and spelling maybe Crystal-fied!"

Give up Christmas Expectations and LOVE yourself

 Why do I try so hard to look as if I have it all together? I know I don't! You know I don't, but yet I still try.  As, I sit here on my 12 yr old dirty and falling apart couch with my kids who are really getting on my nerves, my hubby who I just grumbled at is scratching something together to eat for himself and the kids.  I sit among a house in disarray with Christmas décor scattered all over the living room with my tree that has a short in the lights. All I really want to do is cry.  I have soooo much to be thankful for healthy children who can run and play in this big mess!  A hubby who loves me in my "yuck" moments, that I am in at the moment. But, most of all I have a Savior Jesus who saved me from my sins.

So, why can't I muster up a happy spirit and get to decorating my pre-lit spinning tree?  Is it because my sister who I thought up until 8 hrs ago was coming to stay a few days is not coming? Or is it because the lights on the upper part of the tree aren't working? Or feeling sorry for myself because I'm broke this season. Or is it the combo of all of it?

I have all these big expectations for myself... Big garlands around my kitchen window, bay-window & front door.  I want my tree to look professionally put together (like on Pinterest). Not like my children who still want to decorate our tree actually did it!  I want beautifully wrapped gifts that coordinate with the tree! My 2-elves (elf on the shelf) make messes daily so my kids 'can show them grace.' I would like to make sure my already purchased C-mas cards go out on Dec. 2nd and I get my 20 free Walgreen's Thank-you cards created before the deadline!  I'd better get to making chex-mix and other goodies for the neighbors along with doing a daily devotions & advent calendar activities with my children. I need something great for my hubby for C-mas without having to spend a fortune I don't have, and hinting over and over for what he'd like.  Anxiety is creeping over me at the moment.  I'm just being real sisters!

So right now I'm going to think about what is *true* about myself (Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Philippians 4:8)....I CP am-
-Loved (by-Jesus, Grant, Family & Friends)
-I'm cared for
-I'm a good cook
-I care for my family better that I give
myself credit for
-I'm training my children up in the way
of the Lord Jesus Christ
-I want the best for others
-I pray often and I'm truly strengthened
by the Lord
-I know how to make those closest to me "smile"
-I'm dependable
-I'm creative
-I'm a good teacher

Wow, honestly that really did help!  If you are struggling with the "expectations" you have put on yourself stop.  Sit down and make a list of the gifts and talents you have.  God created us all different and He did this because he knows best.  Life is not fair it never will be.  Jesus totally understands, think of how fair his life was?  Sit still, and ask Jesus how He feels for you in this moment.  You and I were worth dying for yes dying for!

This poor pathetic tree is a good reminder of myself in a life of expectations.  I can't do it!  I can't function under my crazy "expectations".  What does God expect of me this Christmas?    "And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
    and to walk humbly^[a] with your God. "
Micah 6:8
So this Christmas I'm going to have my kids decorate our tree as I sip on something warm with kids Christmas carols playing in the background. I'm not gonna fix that strand of lights that isn't working as a reminder to myself that I don't have to meet my "MISS Perfect" expectations.  If I do anymore Christmas decorating it will because I want to not because I have to!

The birth of Jesus is the reason for the season and what a beautiful gift you and I were given.  Join me in not allowing the joy and blessings to be stolen from us.

Love to each of you who read this blog!  May you join me in my efforts to slow down and take the *crazy expectations* off of ourselves!  What do you like most and dislike most during the holidays?

Give credit where credit is do-
Biblegateway.com
Pinterest- Jesus, Santa & the Elf on the Shelf

Gratitude

"Give Thanks to the Lord for He is Good, His love endures Forever!"  Ps 107:1

 

This is the bible verse the kiddos and I are learning right now. They are so cute when they sing it  blesses my soul. I know I am "to be" thankful for all things including the not so good things, because often those things I perceived as "bad" God uses for good!

Voicesforlife.net

 
Just recently I experienced an eye opening morning. I saw things I had only "seen" on TV. I saw poverty, desperation, broken spirits,& mental illness more than that, I saw someone’s sister, brother, aunt, uncle, cousin and friend living on the streets. I saw a 3 yr old little boy in a brown jacket walking away from me, I won't soon forget. My heart breaks for him knowing that if he remains on the streets he will get caught in the mad web of street life. Seeing that child living in such away makes me understand why some amazing people choose to foster and adopt.

One fellow in his 20's (Mr. Smiles) as I will call him, was walking around with an awesome shirt that read "My life before Jesus (sad face) My life with Jesus ☻(happy face)". Mr. Smiles had a paper plate with "SMILE" written on it.  He would smile at you and then hold up his sign.  Later he walked by and said 214.  I had to ask of course  "What is 214?" It was how many smiles he had received that morning. Wow, all he had, was the clothes on his back & his backpack he carried.  He was quietly walking around bring cheer to others.  A smile is simple, it's free and it lifts the heart. Giving thanks to the Lord is hard to do without a smile. Jesus has brought "Mr. Smiles" joy and he is going around sharing that joy, by encouraging others to smile. Amazing!!!

http://magnoliastomountains.tumblr.com/

 So, as I approach Thanksgiving and I offer thanks to the Lord for He is good, I’m going to slow down remember the simple things & SMILE.  The best things in life are “Free” smiles, the view of a beautiful sunrise or sunset, the deep belly laugh of a child, the tight embrace from someone you love, the smell of a fresh flower, the grip of a small hand around yours, dancing in the rain, a kind word spoken, holding a newborn baby, & God’s incredible love he has for us. I knew before my “eye opening morning” I was blessed, but I had no idea how incredibly blessed I truly am.  God is good!

 
The gift of forgiveness and Grace, offered to us through Jesus Christ must be accepted.  It does you no good to take a gift and  never open the nicely wrapped package.  Jesus wants to walk in relationship with you and me.  This relationship is what I missed for so long.  I accepted the gift of salvation but didn’t understand the gift of relationship Jesus wanted to have with me.  Sometimes I get too consumed with what is going on around me that I don’t realize I’ve not thanked Jesus for the blessings of that day.  Slowing down & giving thanks helps me to relax and realize that whatever is so big at the moment isn’t that big of a deal in the light of eternity.  I have a song I like to sing as I do mundane chores, that really lifts my heart. 

 

Thank you Jesus,

Thank you, thank you Jesus!

Thank you Jesus,

Thank you, thank you Jesus!

Keeping it all in perspective is so critical!  Remembering it’s not about me and that it’s about God is keeping it real.  I have new people to pray for and a new gratitude for my life! So this season, join me in looking for the small things in  life and praise God for them.

 

http://homegrownhospitality.typepad.com/photos/rak_doodles/gratitude.html 

5k ....Who Me?

 4.bp.blogspot.com

I can remember running the "MILE" in elementary school, I think I was sick at least once just because the thought  of running in PE made me sick!  Not to mention the painful side stitches I got.  I hated to sweat, not that I love it now but I tell myself  "sweat is my fat crying" (thanks Shannon)  Run...who me?  I have said over and over "I'll NEVER run unless I'm being CHASED".    This picture above was ME, o yes! 

volleyballadvisors.com

 

My new neighbor who is a lot of fun to hangout with asked me to run with her, I said "NO"!  I don't want people to see me run/jog.  She asked several times and I finally said "YES", I'll give it a try.  I had been running on my own just because I was wanting more of a challenge than the walking I had been doing.  We began in July 2012.  We used the "Couch-to-5k" program http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml.  It was hard! Hard at week 1, hard at week 2, hard at week 3 and harder at week 4  (I was on week 4 for about 3 or 4 wks).  But finally I was able to push past that plateau.  We decided to register for a 5k .  Tiara 5k,  it was a fun run (run or walk) and when you finished you were given a TIARA and a BOA! Yes bling.....I'm in! 

 

 

 

Found via Pinterest at jillconyers.typepad.com

 

 

We continued to train and build our endurance in the 6 weeks we had before the big day!  Things were going great! And then I inherited my nickname "CRASH"  I got a new pair of running shoes they looked great, felt awesome, make me run faster and jump higher (like Luke's new shoes) and they are longer.  Then it happened the big wipe out, I jumped up and ran off fast hoping no one saw me! I wish I could say that was the last time it happened but it wasn't. I did it again one week before our 5k.  I have learned the HARD WAY to pick up my toes!

 

 

So the BIG day came and we were ready! Ready as we could be. We had matching outfits and monogrammed skirts, daisy hair bows with rindstones in the middle we were "looking good"! I was excited and nervous!!! How much fun would it be if I fell at the beginning and was tramped by the stampede of serious runners!?! Well it turned out fine the serious runners were long passed me by the time I had taken 10 strides! ha   I didn't care "Whether it is a 14 minute mile or a 7 minute mile its still a mile "I" RAN"! 

 

It was fun! Training  wasn't much fun, it hurt, took dedication, willpower, sacrifice, but reaching the GOAL was worth it!  Thank you Shannon for being my partner, for joining me in this fight.  God has shown me that I can still accomplish goals! That I have a great friend who challenges me to a healthier lifestyle.  I felt like I was just a wife and a mom.  That is all I need to worry with, but my health is important! Setting a healthy examples for my children is huge!  Yeah we made it! 

 

 

If you are looking to get fit now or in 2013 start small!  I started walking 3x's a week in July 2011, running a minute walking a minute in spring time of 2012.  It wasn't until Shannon challenged me in July and now I can run!  It's not a half marathon 13miles, by any stretch of the imagination but its a start for me! My power verse for hard days of running was Phil 4:13... "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".   This can also be your power verse and YOU  can do it!  If I can so can you! I'm here and will cheer you on if you need a cheerleader! 

 

 

Hmmmm

I have NO idea what I am doing!  I'm trying to blog against my better judgement.  I found a really cute layout and so I thought why not give it a try!

Today I have spent way too much time on the compute mostly do to Pintrest! Yup, I'm an addict!  Ok so I'm gonna try 2 new recipes for MOPS in the morning.  Gonna work on updating my prayer journal and children's prayer journals (what I pray for them, and keep quotes as well as fun stuff ). 

Kayla and Jamie you are an inspiration to me....Blogging seems like to much for me since I don't have the gift of writing! Ask Kayla she loves my penmanship...(inside joke)!!!

If this layout works here is the site if your intrested! http://aeiblogs.blogspot.com/search/label/Pretty

Recipes are:

Crescent Cinnomin Rolls
http://www.thehungryhousewife.com/2012/03/crescent-cinnamon-rolls.html
I'm going to use a pizza canned dough and roll the 2 edges together to the middle and then shape them in hearts! http://poppiesatplay.blogspot.com/2010/02/think-about-it-thursday_11.html giving credit where it is do!

Pumpkin Spice Cake
http://www.diet-recipes.buddyslim.com/pumpkin-spice-cake/
1 box Spice Cake Mix
15 oz. can of pumpkin
½ cup water
I have made these many moons ago!  I think I will add chocolate chips to the batter also!

Ok so Who Knows what my Blog will look like in the future but thanks for reading today's entry! I better go to bed so my hubbie can!  He's a sweetheart he waits for me! :D

Favorite quote for the day!

Because someone doesn't

Love you the way you want them to

Doesn't mean they don't

Love you with all they have.

"unknow"